Memetic Speaking

In terms of memetic speaking and experiential space, the distinction is what I wanted to hear more about, to be moved into the experiential space of my inner and outer wars: what are my strategies to create inner and outer war, what am I unaware of? If you bring me into the clarity of where I am. My 'x' on the map - which is amazingly similar to your strategies, and that's why you can talk about it with such clarity, then I have the necessity to go somewhere else. How can I go somewhere else? You have the answer: Anger. I am ready to listen. You are not saying where I am going, you are only offering the space for practicing and discovering a new useful tool. What I do with it is up to me.

• Shift from 'I' to 'you'. When you use 'you', the distinction becomes much closer to the participant. Otherwise, they can keep it away from them - they can think " oh it is her experience, it is not mine".

• Avoid using 'it' when you are referring to the distinction, say the distinction instead. (You kept saying "It can be..." instead say "Your center can be in the future. Your center can be in the past...") It might sound like you are repeating yourself over and over again, and that is how the distinction can go through the Box of your participants. Distinction need to be said over and over again. It makes the distinction sharper and real, present.

• Be clear about what you mean. In Memetic Speaking you mean every word that you say. For example, when you say "my center jumps..." - no it does not, what happens is that you give your center away. That is the distinction. A jumping center is not as useful a distinction as giving your center away to land in someone Being/Memetic structure.

• I ask you (and all of us) to be very attentive when we say: "You have the power to choose". If somebody does not carry a distinction in their Being, then they DO NOT have the power to choose (which means truly taking responsibility), because they cannot even distinguish the possibility of that choice (remember when you did not know that you had a center, could you choose where it would go? No). Therefore, it is your job not to tell them they have choice BUT to provide them with the transformation that will allow them to choose.

These hints makes your speaking meaningful and real so that the distinctions can go through your Box, and through the Box of your participant into their Being. You are not giving them an interesting story to think about, you are building new clarity into their Being

The practice to develop the skill of landing distinctions (aka Memetic Speaking).

Here are some offers for you to keep practicing landing distinction in 5 bodies:

• Similar to Sybille, you start speaking in 'I', this makes it about you instead of about your participants. Your participants come to your spaces so you can give them a clear 'x' on the map, not present them with your 'x' on the map. This is why when you land distinctions, your main support is to scan your participants and tell them where they are; using the distinction that you are wanting to land. There is no judgment in giving them their 'x' on the map, it is a neutral assessment of reality.

• When you started speaking about other people's relationship, you shift into a judgmental, or resentful tone, as if having an enmeshed relationship or childish reaction is bad. Does that make any sense to you that you might have the idea that not having a "perfect" relationship means that you are bad or you are a bad man, or ...? This would then be an EHP for you.

• Holding space for transformation is not about what you want or what you don't want. It is about providing new clarity / new thoughtware. You mention about 20 different core distinctions in less than 4 minutes without deepening any of them. In reality, every one of these distinctions are crucial to creating extraordinary relationship. And simply mentioning them creates no clarity and no transformation.

• The proposal is to choose 1 or 2 distinctions and diving into them: what does it mean to be centered? how does one give their center away to their partner? what are their benefits to giving your center away? (resentment, blame, victimhood, hatred, ...) what are the results in the relationship? what are the result in their life? (Make it painfully true. When a woman gives her center away to a man, she plays the little girl who wants to be admired by daddy.) How can you notice when you give your center away? What can you do then? And more... You could have a Rage Club only about Centering.

• Choose the distinction to deepen that is the most relevant for you. What are you practicing or noticing in your relationship? Then you deliver this distinction, you will have flesh and juice to bring to the research.